penultimate

Today was our penultimate day here at Walt Disney World.(1) Sigh.

Ashley and I have most certainly enjoyed our honeymoon. It’s been really awesome to hang out with each other as a married couple,(2) and it’s been equally awesome to do that down here at Disney World. And while the reality of marriage has finally set in,(3) Disney World has rather pleasantly insulated us heretofore from any other reality to set in.(4)

But of course, as the saying goes, the honeymoon will soon be over.

Which also of course means that reality – a real reality – will have to set back in. After two-plus weeks of constructed realities, this will take some time to set in.

I will have to go to work every day. Concordantly, I will have to wake up sometime before 11 AM. Subsequently, I will have to go to bed sometime before midnight or 1 AM. More importantly, I will have to care – or at least pretend to care – about things I simply won’t care about. This will be even more exhausting than avoiding gawkers and strollers in a theme park all day.

I will have to prepare my own food and clean up after myself. The Disney Dining Plan is brilliant and I love it. You basically pay for your meals ahead of time and then choose where you want to eat when you get hungry.(5) In the real world though, you have to buy food and then often prepare it for yourself. Ridiculous, am I right? It’s something I can barely fathom right now, even though I’m sure I must have done it in the past.

I will not encounter at least one parade each day. Well, okay. Frankly that’s fine by me. At this point, parades have become little more than incredibly elaborate traffic jams in which the only thing louder than the participants’ singing is their clothing.

I will not be congratulated for being just married. In fact, most people won’t know or won’t care. Which is fine. But down here at Disney World, if you make sure everyone knows, they make sure they care. Every Cast Member(6) congratulates us. Many Guests(7) do as well. We’ve received a ton of advice on how to stay married(8) and be happy together.(9) My favorite are the couples who point to one of the children and tell us that said child was created right here in Disney World during their own honeymoon. Because that’s not at all awkward.

I’m not entirely sure I’m prepared to go back. Especially knowing there will be political ads. I’m not ready for those at all.


  1. Penultimate means second-last, not more than ultimate as many people seem to think.
  2. Which, in what is surely a positive sign, is not at all different from all the hanging out we did before being a married couple.
  3. Almost every day during the first week Ashley would turn to me and say, “We’re married!
  4. Other than the reality of princesses and anthropomorphized murine characters and good-always-wins that the folks at Disney, Inc. want us to to experience.
  5. There are different kinds of plans and you can choose whichever version best fits your needs. I’ll tell you that you’ll pay a little more for than dinning plan than you would pay to eat each day, but a) you won’t pay much more, b) you’ll find yourself eating at places you’d normally pass over, and c) you won’t have to worry about running out of money and not being able to eat, which is pretty much the one fear Ashley cannot easily tame.
  6. Disney-speak for employee.
  7. Disney-speak for patron.
  8. All advice seemingly pointing to me treating Ashley like the center of the world and/or like a queen and/or doing as she bids and/or also of course realizing that she’s always right. From this wholly unscientific and certainly inconclusive data, I conclude that the problem with most American marriages is simple: men.
  9. Which rules for happiness are more-or-less the same at note 7. What’s interesting is the fine but not-clearly-defined line between remaining happy and remaining married.
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