why i will commence with the drinking early tonight

Patron: “Can I get the book for English 1100?”

Me: “Yes…There are several. Which do you need?”

“The one for English 1100.”

“Yes, I know. I have several books listed for that course. Which one is the one you need?”

“I don’t know.”


“I think it’s blue.”


“No. That’s not it. Maybe it’s green.”


“It’s not the St. Martin’s Guide.”

“Yes. That was the blue one.”

“Well it’s not that.”

“Okay, but it helps if you know which one is the one you need.”

“Well I don’t.”

“Neither do I.”

“Ain’t you supposed to know?”

“Of the two of us, you have a better chance of knowing which book you need than I do.”

“You’re the library. You’re supposed to know.”

“No. You’re in the class. You’re supposed to know.”

“Well I don’t know.”

“And as much as I’d like to help you, there are literally thousands of books here and I simply cannot find the one you need without a bit more information.”

“I said it was the green one.

“No you said maybe it was the green one. But even then, I need something like a title. An author.”

“It’s about how to write.”

“That doesn’t help me much.”

“Well fine. I just check out that one.”

“The blue one?”

“Yeah. Then when I fail I can say it’s cuz you checked the wrong book out to me.”


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