gamer for the holidays

I’ve always enjoyed video games. Mostly I think I like both how they tell stories in such an immersive way, immersive in the sense that in no other medium am I literally in control of what does or doesn’t happen. I also enjoy that playing a video game is different from letting your brain die from television. Games – most games anyway, or at least the kind I tend to play – engage the brain in various ways and it feels less like I’m shutting down than I feel after about two episodes of New Girl(1) or just about any show.

The problem is that I’m a completist. When I find an author I love, I read all of his or her books. In order. I never watch just one Star Wars flick; I have to watch all six. I have never warped any level ever in any Mario game. If there’s a footnote, I read it.  I don’t just fart. I fart, pick my nose and scratch my balls all at once. Just as a few examples.

Video games offer a lot to be completed, especially the types of games that catch my attention. My sister’s fiancée(2) seems personally offended that I won’t play Skyrim, no matter how much I explain to him that I can’t play that kind of game. It is literally meant never to end – infinite side-quests! – and I just can’t roll like that. If I can’t ever actually finish the entire game, I’d rather not start. No offense to family members.(3)

All this means is that I generally don’t have a lot of time to play video games. But, perversely, that doesn’t stop me from buying games.

My favorite games are The Legend of Zelda franchise. Each game has a huge world to explore, treasures and heart-pieces to find, and side-quests galore – not to mention that Link is the best lawn-mower this side of International Harvester and I simply cannot resist using the awesome weapon that is the Master Sword to cut down weeds and trees in the hopes of finding a few more rupees. Even elvish folklore heroes gots to get paid.

But it takes me a really, really long time to play a Zelda game. I feel like an Ent: It takes a long time to play a video game, and I never play a video game unless it takes a long time to play.(4)  Any Zelda game takes me a few months to play, at least. I’ve been playing Majora’s Mask off-and-on for almost a year now.

Starting Saturday, I will be off work for ten days. I’ve decided to take  little break from reading – which is a weird thing for me to do – and instead finally get to this pile of awesomeness.

Zelda games

I already know there’s no way I’m going to get through all of these games in 10 days. But the thought of doing little else during that time is too tempting not to try. Like I said, I’m a completist. I might as well try being completely lazy, right?(5)


  1. Why the hell does everyone like this show? I see celebs tweet to Zooey Deschanel that she’s so amazing in this show. If I were a celebrity and I knew Zooey I’d tweet that I’m sorry prostitution didn’t work out and she had to take this gig.
  2. Unsure whether or not calling him my brother-in-law is a bit cart-before-the-horse here or not. Plus using the word fiancée gives me the chance to use that grave accent on the first e there. That’s always fun.
  3. He hasn’t married into it yet, but I consider him family, grave accents be damned.
  4. I figure it’s totally fine to mention both Star Wars and The Lord of the Rings in the same post if that post is about video games. I’ll see if I can work in a Dr. Who reference just to round things out.
  5. Couldn’t quite make that Dr. Who reference work in an honest and non-ham-handed way. I feel like I’m letting you down, but I’d feel like I were letting you down more if I’d have gone for the half-assed reference.
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