Papasmurffbitch

I found this post on Craigslist.

Dear Craigslister:

I could go on about how you’re giving the rest of us a bad name. I could mention that if you were so full of awesome you wouldn’t be posting on Craigs-fucking-list. But maybe I should give you the benefit of the doubt.

Okay. Maybe you are the one who possesses angelic and demonic voices. Sure. I’ll give you that, since I don’t know you and since, so far, science has not shown a connection between musical talent and the ability to press the spell-check button.

And maybe you do, in fact, project frequencies from your being….Actually, I’m sure you do. It’s called talking.

You could be the notes that are not played. I suppose you could also be the voice that is not heard. But can you be the fingers that do not type? Or the poster that doesn’t post?

You can say you’re into a lot of different genres. Sure. But let me tell you something about Metal, Hard Rock, Death Metal, Black Metal, Thrash, Progressive metal, Progressive Rock, Classic Rock, Metalcore, Breakbeat, Grindcore: they are all different words for the same fucking thing! Tell me you’re into Celine Dion, Pantera, Sufjan Stevens, Hungarian folk music, traditional Yiddish dance songs, chamber music and Yanni and I’ll tell you you’re into different genres. The only things I can tell you about the different genres you listed is a) you like screaming, and b) you’re probably a douchebag.

But you know what? Maybe you are one hardcore motherfucker. Maybe you have a tattoo of a graveyard at midnight on the head of your pierced cock. Maybe you pierced your cock yourself one night with a screwdriver and bottle of gin. Maybe you tear the filters off your cigarettes and light them with a fucking stick of dynamite. Maybe you fucked all of Biloxi in the middle of a hurricane while eating raw steak right off the bone. I simply do not know.

But at the end of the day you still chose Papasmurffbitch as your fucking email handle.

So, go. Hardcore it up, my friend. Be awesome. Be the notes that are not played. Be Papasmurffbitch.

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