perfectly logical reasons why you should probably be an organ donor

  1. It’s the only scientifically viable way to go on living after death.(1)
  2. No bathtubs-filled-with-ice involved

    No bathtubs-filled-with-ice involved

  3. If you do become a zombie, you won’t have as much dead weight to haul around as your fellow undead. You’ll be faster, which means more brains for you!(2)
  4. You could save the lives of eight others. If you include their families, extended families and friends, it means that you can call in tons of favors in the afterlife. You’ll never again have to get up to get your own beer.
  5. Without some type of anime-inspired prosthesis, it’s the only way you’ll ever be inside eight people at once.
  6. Some transplant recipients have claimed that they have random cravings for food they’ve never even liked before. So, finally, there will be someone else on the planet who enjoys peanut-butter-and-sweet-pickle sandwiches as much as you do.
  7. Recipients also sometimes write letters of thanks to the donor’s family, and it’s always nice to get things in the mail besides bills, fliers, overdue notices and autumn leaves.(3)
  8. Also, some recipients have dreams of people they don’t know. There’s another term we use to describe the splitting of a person’s consciousness into many others: army of minions!
  9. If your consciousness does split into eight other people, imagine all the showers you’ll get to voyeur.
  10. The ruling deity of your religion will look at it as your final act of compassion. That should totally make up for that time in eighth grade when you touched yourself inappropriately.(4)
  11. It’s the only medical procedure you can get for free. Why not stick it to the man once last time?
  12. They’ll pack your organs into coolers filled with ice. And that is just sweet as hell.
  13. The recipient will have cool scars. He or she will tell others about the scars, and you’ll get to be part of a cool story.
  14. You will give the gift of life without getting knocked up or knocking someone up. Without morning sickness. Without back pain. Without leaking breasts and raging hormones. Without midnight cravings and constant uterine pressure. Without having to pee every six seconds.
  15. You will be loved by many, many people, not just because you died, but because you chose to go on living.

  1. Zombification, of course, is still on the outer fringes of modern science.
  2. Assuming, of course, you become a zombie after you’re dead.
  3. Though the leaves are nice.
  4. And that other time in eighth grade. And that other time. And that other time. And that other time. And that other time. And that other time. And that other time. And that other time. And that other time. And that other time. And that other time. And that other time. And that other time. And that other time. And that other time. And that other time. And that other time…right up until that time not long before you died.
Advertisements

One comment on “perfectly logical reasons why you should probably be an organ donor

  1. Pingback: the chair « a heap of broken images

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s