the wanting comes in waves

It’s been quite some time since I last hopped online and availed myself of the internet’s more erotic wish-fulfillment services. Oh, I’ve had the chance, but the need just wasn’t there, that vaguely specific unsatisfied feeling somewhere near the pit of my belly.(1)

Which is a good thing, really. Except that I kinda miss it.

Well, not it exactly.

I don’t miss the lack of options. I don’t miss the cruder sites I stumble upon out there.(2) I don’t miss the secretiveness of it, or the potential for computer viruses. I don’t miss the chafing, the necessary clean-up paraphernalia. I don’t miss keeping quiet. I don’t miss wishing I had someone to touch and kiss.

I miss the characters.

Just look at all that character

Just look at all that character...

Kinda like sitcoms, I feel like I’ve seen these women through the last several years of their lives. Next Door Nikki? I’ve seen you go from brunette to blonde to ghetto (not a fan, btw) back to brunette and stay busty the whole way through. Lady Sonia? I remember when you never actually fucked the guys on your site, when you only teased them for hours and hours and maybe sometimes you’d let them cum.(3)

Because I need to be involved in some way, I invent characters for these women. There’s no way to know how close my characterizations of them are to their actual personality, but they’re so real to me I feel curious emotional ties. Alison Angel? I was proud of you when you got your own site away from FTV Girls. Tiffany Teen? I was sad, but understanding, when you quit, and will always pull for you in your search for a ‘real’ modeling career.(4)

It’s these stories, made-up as they may be, that I miss, weirdly enough. Sure it helps that the stories were told by scantily clad women, but I was looking at the porn in part for the stories, just like I used to read “Playboy” for the articles….

Okay, that’s not entirely true. But I definitely feel like I should ‘tune in’ to these girls, not to get off, not to vicariously diddle their pooters, but just to see how they’re doing. Just to check in. Say hey.

Maybe stay while they slip into something comfortable…

  1. Ashley manages, shall we say, to fulfill my wishes frequently and completely.
  2. Especially anything that’s part of the Reality Kings, BangBros, or Naughty America umbrellas. These guys are overtly misogynistic, effectively cumming on women’s faces as a way of marking their – not territory – but conquests. Here’s the thing, though: these guys pay most of the women who appear on their sites. Sure, they pay well. But, in my humble o, if you have to pay chicks to fuck you, it’s not a conquest.(a)
    1. In fact, if you look at the act of sex as a conquest, irrespective of your (or your partner’s) gender, you have issues best laid out on a therapist’s wastebin. I’m not advocating for monogamous sex, or against fornication; I’m advocating for sex with respect.
  3. Frankly, it was more exciting than your more recent work; there are thousands of women on the internets who I can watch fuck a thick black cock. You were awesome because you didn’t. (But I still peeped in from time to time, just to see how you were doing.)
  4. Though I think we both know it’ll never happen. The industry, and most industries for that matter, tend to think less of anyone willing to take her clothes off for the camera, I’m sorry to say.

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